As I've said before, I generally try to cover actually apologies on Apology Index, rather than demands for an apology. But I am willing to make exceptions ... and this is one of them. From AP, via the International Herald Tribune:

Shaolin monks deny online tale of ninja that bested them, demand apology

I am not making this up!

BEIJING: China's Shaolin Temple has demanded a public apology from an Internet user who claimed a Japanese ninja beat its kung fu-practicing monks in a showdown, a lawyer said Friday.

A mere barbarian ninja defeat a monk of the Shaolin Temple? Ha! It is laughable! He who would say such a thing must drunk or a fool. Shaolin Temple kung fu is the best! Everyone knows this!

An open letter from the temple posted on the Internet on Thursday denied the fight ever took place and called on the person who posted the claim under the name "Five minutes every day" to apologize to the temple's martial arts masters.

And what terrible fate awaits the teller of such lies? In what manner will this miscreant be dispatched? The Floating Crane Strike? The Excellent Tiger Claw Blow? The Dance of the Seven Monkey? Perhaps the Five Finger Death Punch?

Worse.

Monks from the temple, nestled in the Songshan Mountains of central China's Henan province, said they will consider legal action if he or she doesn't make a public apology.

Indeed. Shaolin law fu is the best! Everyone knows this!

Read for yourself the offensive lies that have precipitated this righteous action:

The posting last week on the "Iron Blood Bulletin Board Community" described a ninja who challenged the monks of the Shaolin Temple to a fight in August after practicing boxing at a Japanese mountain retreat for five years. The Internet user claimed the monks accepted the challenge and the ninja won, proving the monks are trained to perform rather than fight.

Absurd! One might as well squeeze green tea from a stone as believe in such a thing!

The Shaolin Temple's letter said the posting was "evil" and "a pure fabrication." It said the account of the ninja's victory had been widely commented on and distributed, especially in Japan.

Ninja? Ha! Mere assassins! Common criminals, lurking in shadows like timid mice or other unsavory vermin!

"This extremely irresponsible behavior not only impacts the Shaolin temple and its monks, but also the whole martial arts community and the Chinese people," it said.

Sure the people of Japan do not so delude themselves as to place credence in such an obvious pack of insidious lies? Have they overindulged in their sake beverage?

Fah! Send your finest so-called ninja to us and even our most scrawny novice monk will dispose of him readily!

Shaolin kung fu is the best! Everyone knows this.

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